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Integrative Health, Psychology and Relationship Support

Deciphering What Is Said …the Words, Energy and Emotions

Posted by: Dr. Tina Morse PsyD, MFT

Topic: Relationships

BoyGirl

This is a guest post by the lovely Jennifer Crews.

Have you ever been in a conversation where what was being said to you- the actual words you were hearing – DID NOT match the vibe or energy you felt from the person speaking to you? It reminds me of when an owner may talk to their dog in a very sweet loving tone yet they are telling the animal they are going to the vet to receive a shot. Which for most dogs is not a sweet experience.

This may happen to you when a friend is telling you they support your latest achievement and are thrilled for you yet you can feel from them a wave of jealousy. When this happens to us in a conversation it can feel very uncomfortable and confusing. The confusion stems from the many layers happening simultaneously in the moment. First you feel the actual energy behind the words. Such as an envious friend, you may pick up a jealous vibe or possibly a self rejection feeling surrounding your friend, being projected towards you. Meanwhile they are speaking what would appear on the surface to be positive supportive words.

Next you feel an inner emotion that the projected vibe that is being sent your way may trigger inside of YOU. An example may be your insides screaming “Hey! I will not apologize for my accomplishment – I am tired of this lack of genuine support and your need to make this about you.” It may bring up past patterns from childhood or previous relationships that you know in your heart no longer serves you.

Finally, on top of all this -you may experience an inner conflict of what to say or do next because things just do not feel right. The supportive words are being matched with an unsupportive tone. Meanwhile all of this is happening simultaneously in a nanosecond within a conversation. OMG! How challenging is this. What do you do?

Dissonance is defined as incongruity or inharmonious. When this inharmonious experience happens, it is important to trust yourself and know that what you are sensing is real. Here are 7 steps to help you walk through dissonance whether it’s a conversation with family, friends, spouse, or coworkers.

1. Recognize that 3 different layers are happening.

2. Learn to separate them and identify each one

a) The Layer that is the vibe and energy behind the words
b) The Layer that is the actual words
c) The layer that is what emotion you feel inside – the emotion being triggered.

3. Allow this inner emotion from c) above to just flow through you – giving it room to release. This takes practice and trust it can and will flow through you.

4. Try to label this emotion – this will help increase self-awareness.

5. Try to remember the last time you felt this emotion and what was happening then. This will also help in seeing patterns from the past.

6. Once you identify the three layers, observe the labeled emotion passing through you, tune in to your inner truth. What do your insides want? This will assist you to respond to the situation in a manner that is correct for you. When people react it usually is because they only see one layer happening and they blindly blurt out. When you feel your personal truth in the moment you will naturally know what to say or do next.

7. Respond with words and actions that 100% match your truth. An unknown magical force will come through you. You will discover a personal power that will speak for itself.

These seven steps will take time, practice, observation, and personal awareness. Begin by just trying the first two steps for a while. Then progress to the others. Be gentle with yourself as you begin the process of taking ownership for when things do not feel right. Trust yourself and try the seven steps on for size. I promise you a life of personal power that will speak louder than words.

Find out more about Jennifer Crews at www.HeartJen.com

 


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