"Health & Happiness is beyond the physical. It's a point of view and mental attitude that you have about your self, your life and your relationships."

Signature

Integrative Health, Psychology and Relationship Support

Healthy Communication

Posted by: Dr. Tina Morse PsyD, MFT

Topic: Relationships

Beautiful couple in the park.

Did you know that happy couples experience a ratio of 20 positive to every 1 negative interaction between them? Conflicting couples = 5:1, and Divorcing Couples = 0.8:1.

It is difficult to communicate kindness to others, when we are not kind to ourselves; through our own self-talk, and other ways that we support ourselves (or don’t) on a daily basis. Good communication cultivates love, understanding and deepens intimacy. It includes self-disclosure, active listening, and non-verbal gestures that reflect: a heartfelt connection, undivided attention, eye-contact, smiles, head nodding, …um-hmm’s, gentle touch and caring.

It’s important to understand that men and women communicate differently, in general

  • Women are listening to details
  • men the bottom line

After conflict

  • women try to re-establish immediate intimacy and connection
  • men tend to withdraw (and regroup on their own) before reconnecting

Faulty communication through a lack of awareness, defensiveness, or toxic behavior results in frustration and anger. Here are 8 ways to communicate more effectively:

  1. Summarize and validate your partners thoughts, or their experience.
  2. Avoid pushing their buttons through harsh words or name-calling.
  3. Emphasize a persons behavior and request something different, rather than criticizing the person, their character or personality. Understand their right to disagree.
  4. If you are feeling attacked, be curious and listen for underlying needs or wants that aren’t being met. Look for how you are contributing to the problem vs. reacting because defensiveness doesn’t work and often escalates the conflict – it’s another way of blaming and pointing fingers that doesn’t leave room for shared responsibility.
  5. Take responsibility for your impact upon another and use words that convey understanding, respect and a focus on solutions. Remove phrases like “you always” and “you never” from your vocabulary as they tend to increase disagreement.
  6. Contempt, hostile humor and sarcasm are condescending and poisonous to the physical health of an individual. Be sure to resolve differences as they occur so that they don’t simmer and stew into cynicism.
  7. Be curious, ask questions, …and name what you see behaviorally. Help your partner connect to their inner-power when they are rooted in a sense of powerlessness.
  8. Stay open. Refusing to engage, withdrawing from a conversation or the silent treatment, cut off communication and intimacy. Stonewalling puts a wall between you and your partner and fuels contempt. Is there any danger in sharing more about who you are and what is important to you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually? If so, seek out support to help you get your message across and feel safe.

Everyday novelties and pursuing separate interests add excitement and a sense of newness to a relationship. Do your part, and you are well on your way to a healthier and happier relational experience.


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Follow Life Dr.® Tina Morse

Sign-up to receive your FREE MEMBERSHIP to our online Library + LifeDrTV and Radio

Upcoming Events

!Testimonials

Catherine Pechnick, M.S.W., Department of Psychiatry – Cedars-Sinai Hospital

"It has been my pleasure to work as a colleague of Tina Morse. Among the strengths that I have consistently...
2014-10-28T08:40:27+00:00
"It has been my pleasure to work as a colleague of Tina Morse. Among the strengths that I have consistently observed while working with Tina (in treatment team), is her ability to balance rapid assessment of the problem to the formulation and implementation of the treatment plan, while maintaining the ability to be an empathetic and sensitive listener. Tina intuitively understands what the client struggles with in terms of family of origin issues, current stressors, emotional states, social networks, physical health, coping skills, and interpersonal conflict. I recommend her without reservation.”

Kathy

“Divorce can be very painful and it can lower your self-esteem.  Tina helped me believe in myself again and is...
2014-10-18T08:11:55+00:00
“Divorce can be very painful and it can lower your self-esteem.  Tina helped me believe in myself again and is teaching me how to take better care of myself.  Now I am dating and creating a dream life that I would have never have thought possible.  Tina walks the talk and is a wealth of information.”

Tracey

“She’s insightful, supportive, encouraging, motivating, and helpful.”
2014-10-17T05:19:45+00:00
“She’s insightful, supportive, encouraging, motivating, and helpful.”

Brent

Dear Tina,  “Thanks for counseling me.  I feel that you were there for me and genuinely interested in what I...
2014-10-17T05:24:12+00:00
Dear Tina,  “Thanks for counseling me.  I feel that you were there for me and genuinely interested in what I had to say.  I got to levels that I hadn’t gotten to before and I really appreciate that.  You have a very loving presence and it made it easier for me.”

Jen

“Thank you ever so much for your support and encouragement.  My life as a writer, is moving forward in a...
2014-10-18T08:12:21+00:00
“Thank you ever so much for your support and encouragement.  My life as a writer, is moving forward in a brighter light.  You continue to inspire my life and heart.”

Michael Levine, Best-Selling Author

"We are all capable of being teachers, healers and ministers.  Tina Morse’s brilliant website LifeDr.com helps on the journey.  It...
2014-10-14T05:59:53+00:00
"We are all capable of being teachers, healers and ministers.  Tina Morse’s brilliant website LifeDr.com helps on the journey.  It is filled with hope and inspiration just like her.”
 

Life Dr.® Programs + Products that Make a Difference!

Book

Love Mastery

How to Attract the Love of Your Life by Transforming Your Relationship with Yourself!

In this virtual program,  I’ll help empower and support you to …

Learn More Here

Career + Financial Mastery

How to Transform Your Relationship to your Finances and Cash in on You!

In this virtual program,  I’ll inspire and support you to …

Learn More Here

Health & Wellness Mastery

How to Heal Yourself and Feel Well Nourished through Loving Self-Care and A Healthy Home & Kitchen!

In this virtual program,  I’ll inspire and support you to …

Learn More Here


LIFE MASTERY

A 12 month program that includes the following 3 month programs:

+ 3 mo of mentoring with Dr. Tina Morse

*Buy these programs individually or together as a 12 month Life Mastery program  Learn More Here


 

Translate »